The magnificent profession

The magnificent profession by Theodore L. Thomas is a satirical science fiction short story written in the mid-20th century. It skewers the culture of patent law and government bureaucracy through a comic premise: an “underground diving suit” powered by a strange crystal that lets its wearer pass through solid matter.

Carl Saddle, a young patent attorney under the flamboyant Helix Spardleton, visits their brilliant, chaotic client “Doc” Marchare, who has built a suit that uses a cabbagite crystal to soften solid materials so a person can walk through earth, walls, and floors. When the fearsome examiner Herbert Krome rejects the patent as obvious and inoperable, he insists on trying the suit himself—and promptly sinks floor by floor through the Patent Office, sowing panic and slapstick ruin as his intangible field melts furniture, fans, and desks. Saddle races after him, witnessing escalating chaos until Krome finally reaches ground level and hurries to a meeting with the Commissioner and a Defense Department general. Thinking fast, Saddle frames the mishap as a successful demonstration, mutes Krome’s protests, and leverages the moment into a government licensing deal, neatly turning bureaucratic logic and bravado to his client’s advantage. (This is an automatically generated summary.)